It has come to our attention that online communities, well, are just a waste of time and money. We understand you may have spent months or years building your community. Let us help you destroy it in just a couple of days! Here are 3 ways to destroy your online community in no time flat.
Don’t Respond to Inquiries
The ten minutes it takes to respond to an inquiry is the same amount of time it takes to run over to Starbucks for a caramel macchiato (YUM). Responding to inquires takes time out of your day. That time is better spent playing 2048 or passing level 531 (the new update) on Candy Crush. Let’s face it, responding to inquires from your community is the last thing you should be doing. When those inquiries pile up in your inbox, just hit archive.
Don’t Provide Updates
Updates schmupdates. Bugs are everywhere, especially in applications. Be happy you at least got your app out the door. Users will always find problems with applications and that can really be an annoyance. Just like that last time you ordered a Big Mac with special sauce at McDonalds and you got mayonnaise instead (just add ketchup – it’s practically the same thing). You really shouldn’t feel bad about launching your app without spending at least a couple of minutes QAing it, because that would have been a colossal waste of time. Throw back some cold ones, turn on the TV and dig in to the next episode of “Game of Thrones”. You’ll be amazed how quickly you forget about those pesky little bugs. : )
Make Fun of Every Question a User Submits
They teach us in elementary school that there are never any dumb questions. Twenty years later, we know that was something they told us to make us feel better about asking stupid questions. Don’t let that 3rd grade teacher tell you how to manage your users. Your users will appreciate your honesty in the long run. Make sure you gratuitously tell users to RTFM and not to ask for support unless they buy something. Know this, they will never forget their experience when they think about your company and brand
There you have it. It’s that simple. Use these simple steps to rid your life of that horribly time consuming online community you’ve painstakingly nurtured for the last 2 years. Instead, have some fun at the expense of your users. You deserve it.
For more information on how to implode your online community without the tedious work, contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org.